Weinrich column head

Note: This was written in 1998. It was the first poem ever William Weinrich ever wrote.

Twas the night before Christmas in the hill country,

Snow is on the ground.

The cows are in their nice warm stalls,

The oxen are safe and sound.

I’m sitting here by the fire by my work ain’t done by half,

Because a two-year old Jersey heifer is just about to calf.

So I sit down my coffee cup and pick up my old cap,

Grab up my old flashlight,

And head to the barn right fast.

The heifer ain’t quite ready, so I lean up against the stall.

I pull out my plug of tobacco,

And bite me off a chaw.

All at once a racket booms out, out in the old barn lot,

I hurry to open the old barn door,

To see what is about.

The room is shining brightly out on the new fallen snow;

Suddenly a little fat man appears,

Dressed in red and white

From head to toe.

He says, “Good evening and Merry Christmas, too.

I was on my way home from delivering presents,

And wondered what was due.”

I blinked my cold eyes and to my great surprise,

There stood jolly old Santa Claus,

What a nice surprise!

Santa came into my old cow barn and sat down on a stool.

He looked at my Jersey heifer.

Then he looked at me, too.

“It’s more than one baby,” old Santa says to me,

“I think I’ll just stick around,

To see how many there will be.”

All at once things began to happen on that cold Christmas Eve,

Old Santa jumps up from his stool,

And quickly rolls up his sleeves,

Before the hour was over, me and old Santa were mighty pleased.

Not one, but three Jersey heifer calves were standing at our knees.

Santa stands up very slowly and begins to put on his coat,

He hurries out to his big old sleigh,

And slowly begins to tote,

For each of my Jersey cows, Santa seemed to like so well.

He gave each one of the heifers

A shiny new brass cowbell!

For the three new Jersey heifer calves Santa helped into this world,

Each received a new pink blanket and a cape to cover their curls.

For Buck and Bright, my oxen, Santa reached down into the tote,

Brought forth a brand new ox yoke.

That set their hearts aglow!

It was a carton of Brown Mule Plug Tobacco that Santa gave to me.

And he gave my wife something, too: A very nice surprise,

A yearling Alpine nanny goat with soft brown doe-like eyes.

Santa says, “It’s time I must be going. It’s been nice to sit and chat.”

But delivering Jersey heifers makes the time sure fly by fast.

I thanked old Santa very much for what he did for me.

If he ever needs help delivering baby reindeer, he will be sure to call on me.

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