“Stop ruffling our feathers,” opined the patriotic turkeys at the presidential turkey pardoning this year on the Whitehouse lawn. “No jab in our flab,” gobbled the butterball birds as they pecked at Nancy Pelosi’s pristine Prada purse.

The birds revealed their vaccination cards were faked by Donald Trump supporters.

On with the story…

Two national unvaccinated turkeys, named Peanut Butter and Jelly, have been given a presidential pardon anyway, according to my source in D.C. Being named after an American traditional sandwich gave the feathered friends amnesty.

Peanut Butter opposed government vaccine mandates and Jelly opposed sitting next to White House Press Secretary Jen Psaki at the ceremony because she tested positive for Covid-19 in October.

“If the vaccine works, then why did Psaki get COVID?” asked Jelly.

Joe Biden voted to change the turkey’s names to Benedict and Arnold. Kamala Harris stated she has never visited a farm before. Both statements were ignored by the National Federation of Turkeys, but Peanut Butter and Jelly may be in hot water for lying.

Biden’s bunch could not believe the turkeys lied to save their own skin.

The turkeys will spend the rest of their days at the Animal Sciences Research and Education Farm at Purdue University in Indiana. However, masks are mandated for the poultry pair while indoors.

Melissa Martin is an opinion-editorial columnist and a resident of southern Ohio.

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